CHILDREN WANT PARENTS' TIME NOT MONEY

It was a small newspaper article.  But not small enough that Talk-back Radio overlooked it because they called me for comment.

It was about a study conducted by global market information and insight group TNS Travel & Leisure.  They found that teenagers would prefer a holiday and spending time with their parents rather than the latest computer game such as Wii or an i-Pod. 

Yes, you got it -- time with mum and dad rather than the latest you-beaut, gee-whiz, cool gadget.

A few days later the results of an exhaustive study by Mission Australia was released. Over 7 years they had successfully surveyed 45,000 young people between 11-24 years. The overwhelming result was that consistently, young people put their primary importance on "family, friends and close relationships."

See the theme?  Got the picture?

Two independent surveys emphasising that teenagers want connection with their family and friends.

What are we doing as parents to satisfy this need? ....and don't tell me that your adolescent is different and that he or she doesn't want to be seen "dead" with you.  Deep down it's different.  Don't be fooled by all that surface stuff and that huff and puff.

We ALL have a basic need to be loved and connected. Like it or not, that's just the way it is. It's the way we're built.

If you're a parent (and you're theoretically the adult here), then what are you doing about it?  What steps are you taking?

If you happen to be the teenager, work out ways that you can tell mum and/or dad that you want connection and you want a proper relationship with them. Take courage and bring it up to them.

If it's a top priority, then let's do something about it -- together.

IT'S OFFICIAL -- SCHOOL ASSAULTS ARE COMMON!

Under the Freedom of Information Act, the Sunday Mail (24th August, 2008, Page 26-27) has been able to establish that "schools across South Australia have called for police help 375 times in a little more than a year."  That's one a day!  Police are called to our schools once a day!

Fascinating that on talk-back radio a little over 5 weeks ago, the Department of Education was saying that the more recently reported incidents in the press at some of our Northern High Schools were "isolated" incidents. 

Isolated?  Hmm...maybe they meant that it was isolated to daily incidents!!

Bullying and the inevitable violence that occurs is a major problem in our community.  Schools of course, did not create the violence (that comes from our families that are in chaos, dysfunctional and in disarray), but it is certainly the arena where aggression and violence is played out.

What is bullying?  See the article on my website under the Menu heading "Blog & Articles" and click on "Articles" directly.  Scroll down to the article titled: "Bullying: What is bullying actually?"

Further, it is more common than you might anticipate.  Sadly so.  See the article on my website, "How common is bullying?"

We need government intervention to put in place prevention programs such as the 10-week program offered by "Youth Opportunities". This has to be a priority.  Families aren't able to give our youth the life skills that they need to survive (and thrive), so, it has to be the schools who do it.

If you'd like to know what to do if your child is being bullied and how to "Bully-proof" your child, see the article on my website titled, "What to do about it."

Further, if the bully actually assaults another student (or teacher), then the police need to be immediately called and the full force of the law needs to deal with such matters. No "if's," "but's," or "maybe's."  If the assault happens in the school setting, the teachers need to call the police.  If the assault happens outside the school, the parents or adolescent need to call the police.

What is Assault?  There is a threat to life and/or limb where you are threatened either verbally ("We'll get you!"  "Watch your back buddy because we're coming after you!" "You're dead meat!" "We know where you live") and physically (punched, kicked, thrown to the ground).

If this occurs, parents and victim need to act straight away in the following way:
1. Notify the police immediately.
2. Keep any evidence (e.g. photocopy the SMS, photograph the bruises, find any witnesses).
3. After any discussions or conversations with the Principal, Year Coordinator etc at your school, follow up with written correspondence (email or letter) to confirm what you discussed (i.e. leave a "paper trail" because some people seem to have either selective listening or short memories or both).
4. When you have that discussion or conversation with the Principal, make sure that you take an observer with you.  It could be a family friend, a minister or priest, or JP. Otherwise, you could be mis-represented. As well, it keeps you on your best behaviour and it certainly keeps the other party on their best behaviour.  More importantly though, your observer is the silent witness so that you are not mis-represented in any way at a later date or a later stage.
5. If the incident happened outside of school, write to the school to advise what has occurred with a copy to the Dept of Education so that everyone is in the loop and no-one can pretend they didn't know.
6. If you do not get any satisfaction from your school leadership team, then go directly to the District Office and make an appointment with the Regional Director.
7. Make the school aware that Suspension of an offender is not a punishment (usually it is a reward!).
8. Ask the school, that if Suspension of the offender occurs, what are they intending to do to ensure that your child is completely safe?
9. Ask the school if the can guarantee the safety of your child.  If not, what are they going to do?
10. Inform the school that you expect the school to be a safe place where all "hazards" are removed; physical hazards and people hazards.

Remember to keep a paper trail -- you have the right to protect your child and to expect that your school is a safe place.

We cannot tolerate violence in our schools. It must be ZERO tolerance. Schools must be a safe place.

These matters are also covered in my soon to be re-released book, "Teenager Trouble-shooting: How to Stop Your Adolescent Driving You Crazy."

SLIDE IN FAMILY VALUES

Someone asked me this week, "How is it that there seem to be so much strife in families recently especially as we've seen it played out in the media?"

What they're referring to is child abuse, child neglect, children who are devoid of social skills and who are not loved or cared for.

There is no one answer, but there is a definite trend that can be observed. There has been what has been called some "social engineering" or "liberalism" where there has been a slow erosion of family values. This has happened slowly over time. It is insidious and often sinister.

Take just a few issues:

• Poker machines are introduced with the suggestion that because we're all adults or big people, that we can control our impulses to gamble -- just tell that to the the young man who has lost his wife and family and family home through compulsive gambling.
• Easy access to condoms, the pill and the morning after pill encouraging adolescents to explore and try it out -- tell that to young adolescent mothers.
• With drugs, a philosophy of "harm minimisation" that says something like "as long as they don't do themselves too much harm" then it's ok -- tell that to the addict.
• Legalisation of marijuana -- it's safe in small quantities -- tell that to the school drop-out who can't concentrate now, who hallucinates and who is developing a psychosis from substance abuse.

It's like we've said to a small child, "Here's a box of matches. Go play with them, but be careful and use them wisely." All this means that we become desensitised to how to really live life effectively. We're heading for a train wreck as a community.

What's the answer? Seems like there a few places where politicians have finally made a stand and where the government and the family have stood together and built a community on the same sorts of values. Take Singapore. It's safe and secure. I understand that places like Vancouver are similar.

There are some answers there. But do we have any pollies willing to stand up?

NO-ONE WANTS TO DO TEACHING

Had a call from a couple of Primary School teachers. They have had it. They are worn out. They want to leave the profession.

They are having to deal every day with the severe behaviour problems of very difficult children. These children are violent and aggressive, they swear, destroy their belongings and others, they have temper tantrums, they fight, punch, throw things, hit, bite and scratch. They not only do this to other children, they do it to teachers as well.  They disrupt classrooms and playgrounds.

Unfortunately, these teachers didn't cause these behaviour problems, but they have to wear them. Society is causing them or more to the point, families are causing them because families are in chaos. Parents don't know how to be parents, they are on drugs, they have psychiatric problems, they are abusing alcohol and they abuse and neglect their children.

But it all plays out in the classroom and the school yard.

These teachers are young in their career -- they came into the profession wanting to make a difference, now they don't want to teach anymore.

The Education Department puts no more resources to these schools, no extra staff. Where are the withdrawal units attached to each school with a multi-disciplinary staff of education, psychologists and social workers?

The government does nothing, absolutely nothing about early intervention with these problem children.

These difficult children are easily identified as being at risk by Kindergarten and Junior Primary Teachers and Principals, but does anyone intervene before these young children grow up into juvenile delinquency and adult offending?

NO.

I thought that we were an enlightened community. What is wrong with our government and leaders that they allow this tragic situation to continue.

I'd want out of teaching too...who wouldn't.